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I made two new collages this weekend (episode 78 can be found here and is called “The Light at the End”).
This collage was an attempt at some sort of epiphany, the second part of what began with episode 78. It features Aphex Twin, Alan Parsons Project, Yaz/Yazoo (depending on which side of the Atlantic you’re from), clips from Hal Hartley’s “Surviving Desire”, and more.
Someone sent me a message last night, and that message made me happier than I’ve felt in so many years, has me feeling that there actually is hope and goodness.
It was just three words: “Miss you, friend”, but the person it was from, I was not expecting that. We’ve not spoken in years and I had convinced myself she was angry at me.
But she isn’t. She never was. That was just a self-induced delusion. We talked for a bit, and we are still friends, even after all this time.
It feels like a weight has been lifted from me. It feels like a great source of sadness is suddenly gone.
The most important and closest friend in my life was never upset at me. She just had to move back home and we just lost contact.
I’m letting this be a lesson to myself: don’t let myself believe these lies my depression tells me. Don’t lose my closest friends. They still care. They are still friends. I’m not going to let go this time.